(EMAILWIRE.COM, April 12, 2010 ) MILWAUKEE, WI - In the institutional setting – whether it’s a school, a hospital, factory, shopping mall, juvenile detention center, or prison – the person with the worst behavior sets the tone for what is acceptable for everyone else, says public safety expert and Verbal Judo trainer Joel Lashley.

"This is true no matter what example leaders provide," he said.

So, if a high school or juvenile detention center allows kids to curse, they become a cursing facility. If a factory manager says nothing when they overhear sexual harassment, they become an enabler for sexual harassment.

"It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that people are more likely to harass (and be harassed) in a facility that enables harassment," said Lashley.

But does allowing some bad behavior put us at risk for other, more dangerous, behaviors? Yes, it definitely does. Lashley calls these “gateway behaviors.”

"If you fail to set limits early on, you will have to ‘dethrone the leader,’ so to speak. Instead of controlling some stranger’s cursing, you now have to knock the king from the hill before they turn physically violent.

"The longer you wait to set a limit the more danger you are in."

It is surprising what some facilities will tolerate – especially hospitals, clinics, schools, and social service agencies, according to Lashley. It is the job of leaders at any facility to give permission for professionals and employees to set reasonable limits for negative behaviors. Then they must train employees how to set those limits safely and effectively.

The method Lashley recommends for setting limits is the 5-Step Hard Style from Verbal Judo:

1. Ask: “Hello, I’m Officer Smith, the School Resource Officer. I have to ask you not to curse while you’re in school.” If this fails, go to step 2:

2. Set Context: “This is a school and we can’t curse here. I can’t curse and neither can you.” If this fails, then go to step 3:

3. Present Options: “We have a couple of good options here. I see you’re joking and laughing with your friends. You can stop cursing and go on to class with them and have good day. But if you keep it up I will take you out of class, and I will call your home and tell your parents about your language being the reason you’re in detention. Staying after school for detention isn’t any fun, is it?” If this fails, you might have to go to step 4:

4. Confirm Non-Compliance: “Is there anything I can say to get you to not curse on school property before I have to take you to my office?” If this fails:

5. Act: Be consistent and decisive. Tolerance for the little things makes the bigger things more likely. If you are perceived as weak or uncertain, you will be less effective as a teacher, SRO, or administrator and you will place yourself in greater danger for actual violence.

Lashley is a Verbal Judo trainer and Clinical Security and Violence Management trainer and consultant who works for Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. He is a regular contributor to a website aimed at stopping bullying.

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